Understanding
and Fulfilling a Woman's Deepest Needs and Desires
"The
great question...which I have not been able to answer despite my thirty years
in research into the feminine soul is 'What does a woman want?"
Sigmund Freud
"Women are meant to be loved, not understood."
Oscar Wilde
"Anyone
who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
Groucho Marx
Without
a doubt, the most asked question in my Sexual Mastery seminars is: "What
do women really want anyways?" The times we live in are truly a
different and unusual time in the history of relationships between men and
women (sexual and otherwise). Neither men or women are certain what their roles
are supposed to be. They aren't completely sure what they want, let alone what
they expect from each other. And, on balance, I would say that the changes in
our society have given men the more difficult job of adjusting.
Please
do not misunderstand me; I am thrilled with the changes in the past twenty or
thirty years. Both men and women (especially women) have a tremendously better
choice of options for how to live their lives. The "Women's Liberation
Movement” is a wonderful thing, if for no other reason, because it has
allowed women to realize that they can (and are) in control of their own
sexuality; they have a right to be sexually satisfied. This realization is
necessary for women to fulfill their sexual potential. And, only sexually
fulfilled women can become true female Sexual Masters.
On the
other hand, all of the changes in sexual roles and expectations have caused
much confusion; although the sexual expectations of both men and women are much
greater, I don't feel as if an equal amount of good sexual knowledge and
education is available. Consequently, although the potential for greater sexual
fulfillment exists, very few are able to take advantage of it.
My book
is a book on sexual performance, so I am not going to give you a long
dissertation on all of the psychological complexities of the relationship
between the sexes in the Nineties; I will simply touch on some of the main
observations I have made during the past eight years of giving my seminars to
men and doing personal counseling with women. Following are what I believe to
be a distillation of what "modern women" need and desire:
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WHAT
WOMEN WANT IN A MAN
Yes,
things are different now. Women do expect to be treated as equals. They expect
to work and have families, and they expect their men to be more than just a
provider. They want their men to also help around the house and with the kids.
They
also expect men to be more conscious of his looks and appearance. It used to
be, in the past, that only women felt pressured to "look good." Well,
now that women have more economic freedom and equity with men...they also have
more choices. This means that men are now feeling equally pressured to look
good, as well as provide a substantial living (while finding the time to help
around the house and with the kids).
All of
this confuses us silly men (all we really want is laid isn't it?); we are not
sure if we are expected to be incredibly built and good looking, incredibly
wealthy or incredibly willing to stay home and wash the dishes.
Relax.
I have learned through my hundreds of sessions with "modern women"
that there are a few things that remain amazingly constant and similar when
women are asked to describe what it is that they look for/expect in a
"modern man."
CONFIDENCE
"Just remember, as long as you don't hurt
anybody, or talk badly about them, or take advantage of them sexually, you'll
always be disappointedly dull."
Eric Idle
Uniformly,
the number one thing that women describe as necessary and attractive in a man
is confidence. Absolutely, the trait most mentioned by women as
"Sexy" in a man is self assurance and an attitude of being "in
control" of his life. This does not necessarily mean that the man must
have an impressive title or have power over thousands; it simply means that he
projects the attitude that "he knows what he wants and he isn't afraid to
go after it." He is not intimidated by life or the circumstances around
him.
In the
twenty first century, many times, this means that he is confident enough in
himself to not be intimidated by her; his self esteem is not negatively
affected if she is a whole, self-fulfilled individual that (God forbid!) may
even earn more money than he does.
He is
not afraid of her sexuality either. Many times this refers to the fact that men
are intimidated by women that are sexually experienced and sexually aggressive.
They feel as if there is something wrong with them if they are not always the
sexual leader and teacher. Although it is true that, most of the time, women
prefer the male to take (at least a certain amount of) control sexually, this
is not always the case. Sometimes women want to feel what it is like to
initiate. It takes a very confident man to not allow himself to be intimidated
when his woman desires to be the sexual aggressor.
And,
although women want their men to be vulnerable and sensitive enough to share
their feelings, it is safe to say that very few women find it sexually
attractive for a man to present himself as a perpetual "Sad Sack;"
someone that always lets life, and others, to get the best of him.
Interestingly,
one of the traits that women listed as being extremely sexually unattractive is
overconfidence. Most felt that rudely "cocky" men were not actually
that confident, rather, they were compensating for a lack of confidence. To
some extent, this is relative. If you are Michael Jordan and you are confident
in your ability to score in the playoffs, that's OK. If you are in a restaurant
and berating the waiter because he doesn't earn as much money as you do, that's
not OK.
My book
is not a self-help book on confidence, but I will make the following
suggestions:
1) Find and read as much information as you can about "Success" and
"Positive Mental Attitude." Authors such as Napoleon Hill, Norman
Vincent Peale, Tony Robbins and many others have written very important and
useful books that can give you innumerable ways to start becoming more self
confident.
2)"Fake it until you make it!" If you are presently having difficulty
believing that you can develop the self confidence that you desire, that’s
OK; trust me (and many more successful than I), when I tell you that you can be
in control of your life.
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here if you would like an in-depth overview of
more information on becoming a Sexual Master
PASSION
"I was too shy to express my sexual needs except
over the phone to someone I don't know."
Gary Shandling
Have
you ever wondered why you sometimes see a beautiful woman with a homely
(yeah...butt ugly) man? Many times, you will notice a young, gorgeous woman
with an old, frumpy guy. Why does that happen...certainly more often than you
would see the opposite? Well, there could be any number of reasons (lets
be realistic-he could be a billionaire), but one of the most common is that
that man is most likely very passionate about something in his life (possibly
her); most likely something that she is also passionate about.
Passion
is an almost magic quality for a human to have; it can make the least
attractive person become attractive. It doesn't really make a difference what
you are passionate about; passion seems to create an aura around a person. In
studies done in the thirties, they determined that criminals and gangsters were
some of the most highly sexed individuals in society. It is almost a cliché
that the "bad boy gets the girl." On the other hand, church Bible
study groups are, without a doubt, one of the best places to meet a woman (yes,
and to get laid). This is because women are attracted to passion-no matter what
the passion is directed at.
In much
of my book, I refer to the fact that becoming a Sexual Master will help you to
improve other areas of your life. Passion is one of the areas of your life that
will dramatically help you in your sex life. This is true whether you are
single and looking to attract women, or, if you are married and looking to keep
the sex life hot. Find something that you can be passionate about: work,
skydiving, chess (well...maybe not chess), politics; whatever. As you become
more and more involved in your passion, you will meet women that are equally
interested/passionate about it and you will appear infinitely more attractive
(sexually and otherwise) than you would as an opinions "bump on a
log."
Oh, by
the way, do not forget that sex itself might be your passion. Some of the most
physically unattractive men in the universe find themselves with exciting sex
lives (and unbelievable women) when they passionately dedicate themselves to
mastering their sexual performance and are confident enough to locate and
pursue enough women until "the law of averages" kicks in.
Again,
my book is a book on sexual performance, not psychology, but I will offer
another "tip from your Uncle Bob:" Life is awfully short. Don't sell
yourself short in any area of life (sexual or otherwise). There is no reason
that you can not live your life in exactly the way that you dream it should be
lived. Don't be afraid to go after what you want in life; as you start to get
your dreams, you will become more and more passionate about the pursuit...and
more and more attractive to the opposite sex. Please "Go For It!"
DEMONSTRATING
YOUR ATTRACTION AND APPRECIATION OF HER
"Man is willing to accept woman as an equal, as a
man in skirts, as an angel, a devil, a baby face, a bosom, a womb, a pair of
legs... an ideal or an obscenity: the only thing he won't accept her as is a
human being, a real human being of the female sex."
D.H. Lawrence
"Women should be obscene not heard"
Groucho Marx
It is a
truism of human nature that "we like those people that like us." You
can not argue with this point. Well, you could argue with it, but you'd be
wrong. I know; you want to tell me a story about some girl that you pulled her
pigtails in third grade and she rejected you. Or, you want me to know about
some complete "pig" that wrote you love letters that you wouldn't
sleep with, with my penis.
I am
not proposing that you will be able to bed any woman because she knows that you
like her/are attracted to her. I am simply trying to highlight the basic human
law of nature that humans love to be loved and appreciated. And that you should
use this fundamental principle in your pursuit of, and relationships with
women.
All
women make the following considerations before they decide if it is OK to have
a relationship (yeah, yeah...and sleep with) any particular man:
"Is he the right man?"
"Is this the right time?"
"Is the environment/atmosphere right?"
It
may take quite a lot of work to successfully make it through that entire
gauntlet of her considerations. But, first you need to be entered into the pool
of candidates considered. To do that, you need to understand this basic
principle; she will be attracted to men that like and appreciate her. Your job
is to make sure that she recognizes that you fit into that category! And, for
the Sex Master, this is a subtle art (that is why the pigtails story doesn't
impress me). You need to consciously determine that you are going to find ways
to let her know that you like and appreciate her; ways that will not be
perceived as manipulative bullshit. I do think, as a good human, you should do
this with all of the people in your life that you love; just be aware that your
chances of getting laid without doing it are practically zero.
The
critical difference between success and failure in this task is approach; you
want her to feel as if you are noticing her obvious good qualities, not that
you are insincerely complimenting her (just to get into her pants). Generally,
you don't want to compliment her on physical characteristics that might have
some obvious sexual connotation. "Wow...you have wonderful breasts"
is not a good approach. "Jill, I noticed how well your jacket and shoes
match; I am always impressed with your sense of style" is a good approach.
I don't
suggest that you pursue women that you aren't truly impressed with or feel have
many positive qualities; consequently, this task should not be difficult. You
should not have to search for positive qualities; they should be obvious to
you. Just be creative in finding sincere, subtle ways of letting her know that
you recognize these things. You will be amazed at how quickly she warms up to
you and begins to consider you an intelligent, observant person (because you
are recognizing her positive qualities).
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more information on becoming a Sexual Master
PHYSICAL
APPEARANCE
Yes,
modern women do care about what a male looks like. In fact, it is very true
that women today expect more in the area of male attractiveness then they ever
have; with their newfound economic and social equality, they have more options
than ever. Consequently, it is helpful to know what, in particular, women find
most physically attractive in a man. So, I will give you the rundown...But,
those of you that are not blessed with the looks and body of Adonis can rest
easy in the knowledge that, even in the Nineties, looks are infinitely less
important to women than are the other qualities we have already discussed.
Women
find the following male physical characteristics most important/most
attractive:
Bright
and interested-looking eyes: Absolutely the number one most-important feature
mentioned by women is eyes. Women place a tremendous amount of energy into
describing men's eyes. Hint: "interested-looking" are critical
descriptions. You may have been born with droopy bulldog eyes, but if they are
fixed longingly on a woman and she notices...it is amazing how attractive your
eyes become.
Neatness/Cleanliness:
Whatever you have to work with... clean it up and dress it up! Shower or bathe
regularly. Make sure that your hair is always clean and styled. Keep your teeth
free of food or tobacco stains. Make sure that your fingernails are always
clean. Deodorant is a necessity. Pay attention to your clothing. Although you
do not need to dress in thousand-dollar Italian suits, you do need to wear
clean, pressed clothing that is at least remotely in style. Women pay
particular attention to a man's shoes; be certain that your shoes are of good
quality and, if applicable, shined.
Again,
your goal is not to win her heart with your style and fastidiousness, you are
simply avoiding being eliminated from that "pool of candidates."
A
firm and rounded ass: Women generally fall into two categories: whether they
mention eyes or ass as the most important characteristic to male physical
attractiveness. In the end, eyes win out as the most mentioned, but ass is a
close second. You know how strongly your attention is drawn to a woman's ass.
Apparently, this is exactly the same with women and your ass. Consequently, you
have two options: 1) You can make sure that you are remarkably overachieving in
all other areas or 2) You can spend some time working on your body. In the
Nineties, I'd be lying to you if I told you that working out is completely
unnecessary. It isn't. It is important to success in all areas of your life to
be in shape; it will especially help you with the opposite sex.
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